"Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed" -MaryOliver

I finished my last radiation treatment on Friday, and met some of the most amazing people during my two weeks of treatment.

The team of radiation technicians that worked with me were incredible.  Brit, Michael, Jessica, and Brandy - they made me smile every day and are such a blessing to so many people.  When dealing with a disease as serious as cancer, it is incredibly uplifting to be surrounded by such positive attitudes.  I had been showing Jessica my "feet pictures" throughout the week and on my last day, I asked for a picture of all of our feet together.   Jessica knew why I was asking, but you should have seen the confused look on Michael's face.  He seemed to relax after I said he didn't have to take off his shoes!

I met Kayah who is the cutest little girl you've ever seen.  She is five years old and was there everyday with her entire family - Mom, Dad, baby sister, Grandmother, and Grandfather.  She may have been there for treatment, but in her eyes, she was there for the puzzles! There were two tables in the waiting room with puzzles and we all took turns working on them while we were waiting for our treatment.  Kayah and I worked on one together and she giggled everytime she found a piece that fit.  If her treatment time came too quickly, she always came back afterwards for more puzzle time.  I completed my treatment before our puzzle was finished, but I am sure that she won't quit until it's done.

 

There was another little girl who had her treatment immediately following mine.  She was being treated for some form of brain cancer and had to be sedated during her treatment so that she would be totally still during the short, ten minute, treatment.  We both got to the Med Center at the same time and I would see her shuffling up the sidewalk following her parents into the main entrance of the Cancer Institute.  She was always wearing pink flip-flops, had a pink flowered blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and wore a pink and yellow baseball hat. She finished her treatment as I was waiting to see the doctor and I heard the technicians gently waking her up.  As soon as she opened her eyes, everyone starting cheering and clapping for her.  Her parents were grinning from ear to ear and applause echoed through the hallways.  Friday was her last treatment also and she would not have to come back for any more treatments for the next six months. 

 

I met an elderly farmer's wife who spent time talking with her husband about which fields needed to be plowed that week.  I overheard her exclaiming "you spent how much for that goat?"  I just loved listening to them.  His old calloused hand rested across her shoulder and she smiled every time she looked at him.  There was no question that they are still very much in love.

 

There were many others that I met and despite our different ages, backgrounds, and conditions, we had one thing in common..... we chose to laugh!!

 

Inspirational Board at Penn State Hershey Cancer Institute Radiation Oncology Department 

Some things I learned this week....

I have completed five of my ten radiation treatments.... Halfway!!! Woo Hoo!!  I have enjoyed having the weekend off from treatments, but am ready to get my last five treatments over with.  As I gear up for next week, I've been thinking about some things that I have learned this week.

 

 

1.  My doctor is really, really, REALLY smart!

• Proverbs 31:17, 20, 26 (NIV) "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

 

2.  Trailblazing isn't such a bad thing! (just ask my husband about my antics in his Jeep)

• Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you."

3.  It's OK to reach for the sky, as long as I keep my roots firmly grounded!

• Matthew 7:24-29 (NIV) "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

4.  I am still very angry about my diagnosis! (yes, I am still working on this one)

• Psalm 37:8 (MSG) "Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, cool your pipes - it only makes things worse."  (I absolutely love this translation!)

5.  There have been specific instances when I was a positive and Godly role model to other young women without even realizing it at the time! (Thank you to my dear friends who have talked to me about this - what an encouragement you all have been.)

• Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV) "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."

6.  Radiation makes me tired - and very hungry! (I am so thankful for all the picnics we had this weekend - ribs, hot dogs, hamburgers, salads, watermelon, strawberries ....well now I've made myself hungry again!)

• Isaiah 40:29-31 (NIV)  "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

7.  Give a girl the right shoes....  need I say any more?

Week #1

Radiation beams, video games, and sweater defuzzers....

Four days into radiation and, all things considered, the treatment itself hasn't been too bad.  I am incredibly tired, but that's to be expected both from the treatment itself and the daily drive to and from the Med Center.  I thought was feeling well enough to go to yoga earlier in the week, but have been having pretty significant hip pain since then.  There doesn't seem to be any serious damage, the doctor just thinks I over-did it a bit.  (Who, me?) He said that "gentle range of motion" exercises were OK.  I said "I thought that's what I was doing?"  Ok, lesson learned.
 

My husband was explaining to our boys that I had to go for "radiation therapy" every day.  My youngest got a confused look on his face and asked "are they going to nuke her?"  Ahhhhh....the joy of having boys.   He explained that it was similar to their video games, but a little different.
 

Unlike chemotherapy, which exposes the whole body to cancer-fighting drugs, radiation therapy is aimed at only the part of the body being treated.  In my case, that's my hip.  Radiation therapy "beams" a high dose of radiation to the cancer cells.  (Much like my son was envisioning in his video games.) The radiation damages the genetic material within the cancer cells,  limits their ability to reproduce, and causes them to die. Normal cells are also affected by radiation, but they are typically able to repair themselves and recover.  Spreading the radiation treatment out over several smaller treatments allows the normal cells to recover.  In my case, I will have ten treatments.

 

I lay down on a treatment table and the therapists line the laser beams from the machine with the tattoos they placed on my hips last week.  The machine zaps me once from above, rotates around me, and zaps me once from behind.   I'm only in the treatment room for about ten minutes.  The room itself looks like something out of a sci-fi movie and the machine looks intimidating.  I took this picture after today's treatment....

 

Like I said, the machine looks intimidating, well, at least it did until I realized that it looks like one of those battery-operated sweater defuzzers.  You can't tell me that you don't see the resemblance?

Now, when I start to giggle during treatment tomorrow, I'll have to show this picture to my therapist.  

 

Stories in Ink....

Those of you who know me well would agree that I easily could have been voted "least likely to get a tattoo" several years ago.  My my my, how things have changed! 

It all started after my very first "all-clear" scan report back in 2011.   I was thinking about a post I made earlier related to John Piper's article "Don't Waste Your Cancer."  I was thinking about the lessons I had learned on my journey.  I was thinking about things that were too easily forgotten when the road got tough.  I was thinking that I never wanted to forget to be thankful. You've heard of the book "One Thousand Gifts," by Ann Voskamp?  Well, my list of blessings went waaaaay beyond one thousand.  I decided that my first tattoo would be the one word that I wanted to remember in all circumstances, in the good and the bad, when I was feeling confident and when I was feeling like my world was unraveling.  My first tattoo is kanji for "Gratitude."  

Then came my next "all-clear" milestone in 2012.  This time, I wanted a permanent reminder to stay positive and not lose hope.  Proberbs 31:25 says "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she LAUGHS without fear of the future."  It doesn't say "She accepts her fate" or "She is content with her circumstances."  It says "She LAUGHS!"  ...and not only does she laugh, but she does it without fear of the future. We're not talking about a nervous chuckle, or a schoolgirl giggle, we're talking about a laugh that swells up from deep in your soul and overflows for the world to hear.  That, my friends, is pure joy.  

Now, as I face another bump in the road, what is it that I want to remember?  What will help remind me to remain strong, grounded and joyful?  What will remind me to always set my sights on the Heavens above?   I think of thes words from The Wisdom Of The Sands  “The tree is more than first a seed, then a stem, then a living trunk, and then dead timber. The tree is a slow, enduring force straining to win the sky.” Thoughts of a very special tree at my parents house kept coming to mind.  I spent countless hours as a child in the shadow of that tree and now I watch as my boys play under that same tree. The sounds of laughter and squeals of delight can be heard across the yard when all the cousins are together, chasing each other around the trunk and the branches always make a good hiding spot for Easter eggs.  The dogs relax in the shade while my family sits and catches up on eachother's lives, remembering childhood stories while creating new memories every time we are together.   This tree reaches for the heavens even when storms threaten to strip it's leaves and snap it's branches.  Through it all, the laughter and the storms, this tree stands tall. My third tattoo is a rendition of that tree - branches reaching for the sky, roots firmly grounded.

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He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” ~Jeremiah 17:8. 

Lasers, Tattoos and Dirty Girls...

The votes are in, the experts have spoken, and we have definitive proof that there is an area in my left hip that has become resistant to my current meds.  My latest scans show that there is a new lesion growing between my femoral head and my hip socket.

My doctor and I discussed treatment options and she suggested treating this small area with radiation while continuing to treat everything else hormonally. Our goal is to delay chemo for as long as possible and it sounds like radiation will help achieve that.  One of the things they are learning about breast cancer is that resistance that develops in one area can spread to another area (instead of each area developing their own separate resistance mechanism).  Because we truly are "trailblazing," my doctor wanted to discuss my case with the Oncology team before proceeding

As He has so often done during this journey, God placed the right people in the right place at the right time.  The same day that my doctor was presenting my case, Dr. Larry Norton, an international breast expert from Memorial Sloan Kettering (and truly one of the best minds in the field) came to Penn State Hershey to present some of the latest unpublished data. My doctor seized the opportunity to get his thoughts on my situation.  He completely agreed with my doctor's plan to keep me on my current treatment and radiate the area that may be becoming resistant.  In fact, Dr.  Norton has had excellent results with this approach with his own patients.

It seemed like a no-brainer to me, so I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Wagner, the radiation oncologist, to start the process.  Some of you may remember my post from March 2010 describing my first experience with radiation, Sylvester Stallone, and my visualization techniques.  As soon as I met Dr. Wagner, I immediately felt at ease and had the urge to make those tiny little laser noises again.  I refrained from the noises for now - after all, what kind of first impression would that leave him with?  

I returned to Hershey the next day for some special measurements and to have the infamous blue dot tattoos placed on my hip area.   The tattoos are necessary to ensure the lasers are aligned correctly for every treatment.  Not exactly what I had in mind for my next tattoo, but I guess it will have to do for now.

I will have a total of 10 treatments - once a day two weeks.  This should be a piece of cake compared to the 30 treatments I had three years ago.  (geez, has it really been that long?)  Dr. Wagner wants to start right away and I say "bring it on!"   I will have my first treatment bright and early Monday morning and my last one will be Friday, June 21.  

Here's how the rest of my conversation went with Dr.  Wagner that day.....

Me:    "I am registered for a 5k mud run on June 22."

Doc:  "Are you asking me or telling me."

Me:   "ummmmm.... asking?"

Doc:  "if you're asking, my answer is no"

Me:   "Would it make any difference if I said the proceeds go towards breast cancer research?"

Doc:  "While that's a noble cause, my answer is still no."




Dr.  Wagner explained that I could still walk the course, but shouldn't try to complete the obstacles. The lesion in my hip socket has weakened the joint enough that I have an increased risk of a hip fracture.  Also keep in mind that estrogen in women protects the bones.  I have been undergoing therapy that eliminates estrogen for the past four years so bone density is already a concern.

...and that means no muddy cargo net climbs for this Dirty Girl!

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Dirty Girl is a 5k adventure run for women that was founded in 2010.  The obstacle course consists of wall climbs, stomach crawls, cargo net climbs, tire tests, and concludes with a mud filled pit.  Dirty Girl believes in finding a cure, educating women, and helping those who are currently dealing with Breast Cancer. After all, the Dirty Girl way is to jump in, get dirty, and fight!

Dirty Girl supports breast cancer charity organizations in each events market. By participating in a Dirty Girl Mud Run you’ve already have made a difference by financially and physically making a stand against Breast Cancer.  Go to their website Go Dirty Girl for more information. 

A New Site: Time for A New Look

After working with my blog site for the past four years, I decided it was time for a fresh start with a new look.  I also needed a site that was better suited for mobile devices.  For the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to make design changes to my old site so I'm starting over with a new one.    Yes, I am seriously challenged when it comes to technology.

I am so excited with my new URL:  http://todayichoosetolaugh.blogspot.com/

If you would like to catch up on my story from the beginning, there should be a link to my old blog on right side of the page.